I find myself less and less interested in moderate Christianity. I know it is not something I will believe, as in faith, but at least the people are nice and interesting, and not afraid to ask questions and to live in the mystery of their faith, as opposed to the fundamentalist bull shit certainty of faith.
It’s a reasonable place to be for the family, moderate Christianity, my wife can feel her spiritual connections, I can feel my not-being-preached-at-or-talked down-to connections. I don’t worry so much about the kids being taught they are going to hell.
And it is good to be learning still about Christianity. Out-studying those around me makes my unbelief more defensible, both to them and to myself. It has been an interesting trip to this point and I’m learning how to use my mind in ways I haven’t before, so that’s good. I enjoy the bible stories as far as that relates to studying history, and that means the history of how and why the texts were written, not the stories told in its narratives.
But I’m losing interest. I don’t really want to discuss how you are loving God and loving other people because God is real to you, even if you leave room for interpreting who or what that means. Even if I am happy that you find that kind of meaning for yourself. Because the bible is patently more and more false to me.
It is easy to skewer the fundamentalist inerrent view of scripture, but it is a lot harder to do so with the progressive versions, which leave a lot more wiggle room in interpretation. I don’t want to practice it, and I am tired of wading through the arguments. There’s a lot more things in life to worry about, work, family, home, etc, and I make enough of a piss poor job of those things as it is.
Feeling flat and unmotivated. Need to find some way to be myself, whatever that is anymore.
Entry filed under: life.