a time to sew…

December 27, 2009 at 12:50 am 17 comments

attsTo every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to rend, and a time to sew… Ecclesiastes 3:7

I would like to introduce a new visitor to this site, she will go by atimetosew, at least for now. She is a lovely individual, a committed Christian, a mother of four beautiful children, and my long-suffering wife of over 13 years. I have been sending her individual posts for a while, but she has recently started reading here directly. Which has, to say the least, been an adventure for both of us!

If you have read anything of the angst of deconversion here, you can be assured she has suffered through as much or more than I have this past year. And we’re still in this thing together somehow. Now I get to see how much my own thoughts I write about here line up with reality… ;^)

Following is her first guest post.

—– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —– —–

Guest post written by atimetosew (my wife).

To all of you who are faithful (or sporadic) readers of my husband’s blog, I write this post to thank you and to introduce myself. Thank you for your comments, your listening “ears”, and your support of my husband through what we would both consider a “messed up year.” ATTR was up and running some three or four months before I knew about it. Even then, my husband was reticent to share his posts with me. Ouch! That was hard for a wife to take. I remember saying, “I thought we were friends.” Yet, some things were too hard to work through at the time. Thanks for being there for him when I couldn’t.

As for blogging, Mr. ATTR has been after me for several months. I’ve been a journaler all my life, but exceedingly private about it. The thought of a worldwide community of anonymous readers is extremely intimidating. I’ll give this a try, but make no promises. I don’t think or write as well as Mr. ATTR. If you wish to follow our marital journey through this mess, my blog will be located at atimetosew.wordpress.com. I’ll warn you, though, that I’m much more of a “rambler” than Mr. ATTR. I imagine that my posts will be a bit more practical…but perhaps more whimsical as well. Time will tell.

As for me…who I am…where I belong…that is harder. Even with all we’ve been through, I still am, or would like to be, a follower of Christ. I’m on a journey to seek out what that means. It’s a journey I’ve been on for 23 years or so now. Sometimes the more I travel, the less I know. Nevertheless, I’m very seriously seeking.

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Entry filed under: friendships, life, marriage. Tags: , , .

follow the evidence happy new year!

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Laura  |  December 27, 2009 at 1:17 am

    very interesting! Thoughts of the spouse of the de-converted have always interested me, as I did not become an atheist until after my ex husband and I separated. Looking forward to reading your thoughts! (And it is intimidating at first, but over time, you get used to strangers knowing the intimate details of your life. ;) )

  • 2. Sabio Lantz  |  December 27, 2009 at 7:09 am

    Well, “Sew”. I love the choice of the names from Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes is probably one of the most secular writings to be included in the Hebrew canon and is very Taoist. It is great neutral ground. But now, with these two long similar names, I am going to start calling your guys, “Rend” and “Sew“.

    Welcome Sew — this sounds like it will be a fun journey — seriously, will your attitude, the success has already been made.

  • 3. Mike AKA MonolithTMA  |  December 27, 2009 at 10:51 am

    Cool idea! My fiance is Catholic and I am atheist so I look forward to your perspective, atimetosew. Welcome to the blogosphere!

  • 4. Christiana  |  December 27, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    So lovely to see you here ATTS. I look forward to reading your blog. Blogs are so therapeutic, at least for me. They seemed so impersonal at first but have ended up being my sanity.
    Miss you friend.

  • 5. atimetosew  |  December 27, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    Christiana: I was hoping to see you soon! Thanks for commenting. Come on over and visit my blog, too, if you haven’t already. Miss you too!

  • 6. atimetorend  |  December 28, 2009 at 12:06 am

    Laura, Mike, Christiana, Sabio, thank you for your kind comments both here and on the ATTS blog! We really appreciate your support and encouragement.

  • 7. Titfortat  |  December 28, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    Hello ATTS……..Glad to see you guys working it. As married people know, it does take work. ;)

  • 8. Ben Sanders  |  December 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Hello Sew! I think it is great that you are getting so involved in Rend’s postings. It takes a lot of bravery and compassion and understanding to hold a religious world view and still try to be there for your atheist husband. I will have to have MY wife get on and read YOUR blog now! :-]

  • 9. Brian  |  December 30, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    Welcome to the community. My wife and I are in a VERY similar situation to you guys. She’s still very much of the faith and was floored, hurt, angry, confused, etc etc etc when I “came out.” The last year or so has been bumpy, some good times, some really rotten times. It kind of came to an explosion point around November and then I had a minor “epiphany” to just start living and identifying myself by who I AM and what I hold true, not the things I don’t. So we’re still treading the murky waters but there’s light on the other side. I’m really curious to read your thoughts on your ongoing journey.

  • 10. cindijh  |  January 3, 2010 at 11:03 am

    I came upon this blog via a blog I came upon at the Beautiful Heresy blog. I actually just commented at “A Time To Sew”. I’m sorry to hear that, for now anyway, you are on hiatus from posting. In my comment there I mentioned that my husband and I are so far apart in our beliefs (even though we are both believers) that we might as well be atheist/Christian. His God is not the God I worship for sure. I am very progressive. He is…ahhhh…he is not. This also reminded me of two other blogs I have saved in my bloglines line up. Dual bloggers…husband and wife. One a believer….one not. Links follow. Good luck to both of you.

    Memoirs of an ex Christian (http://mexc.blogspot.com/) and his wife’s blog Cori’s blog (http://allaboutcori.blogspot.com/)

  • 11. atimetorend  |  January 8, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Hi cindijh, thanks for dropping by and commenting. That sounds difficult. When I started learning about progressive Christianity I remember remarking that it seemed like a different religion entirely.

    And thanks for the links, those are a couple of excellent blogs.

  • 12. Sabio Lantz  |  January 8, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    “Progressive” vs “Liberal” Christianity.
    I too am trying to learn these.
    How do you see these two categories as different, if you do?

  • 13. atimetorend  |  January 8, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    I see the terms “liberal” and “progressive” Christianity as synonymous at this point. I think the term “progressive Christianity” is newer? Maybe progressive is used because of the negative connotations “liberal” picked up from the fundamentalists.

    Oh, and I meant progressive Christianity seeming an entirely different religion than conservative Evangelicalism, BTW, not liberal Christianity. I do think a wide spectrum of beliefs falls under the label, in the same way as the “evangelical” label.

  • 14. Sabio Lantz  |  January 8, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    Thanx. I am working (albeit slowly) at trying to understand the progressive lot. Have you a taxonomy of them or several taxonomies of them? I’d love it if you could try to create one.

  • 15. atimetorend  |  January 8, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    Working on taxonomies (though I just had to look up the definition of the word “taxonomy” again), but I’ll save it for another thread.

  • 16. WI  |  January 14, 2010 at 3:28 am

    Hey, this is cool! Looking forward to reading posts by both of you. :)

  • 17. Carol Welch  |  January 19, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I ran across this site and Sew’s site via the “Atheists and Christians Community Blog.”

    Kudos to you both!! What an excellent tribute (for lack of a better word) demonstrating how these two views can continue to thrive harmoniously.

    My husband and I have been on a similar path. We met in the org, both lay leaders. The doctrine and org defined our lives. In 2005, after 28 years of involvement, I exited the org. After over a year out of the org, I began the exodus out of fundamentalism as I knew it.

    My husband and 2 (then) teenage children left the org over the following 7 months after my exit.

    The entire process was tumultuous and soul wrenching. We had been contemplating divorce anyway before I left the org; that almost became a reality six months after I left.

    Now we are the best of friends. He knows my ambiguity regarding the “inerrant accuracy of the scriptures.” I understand he still believes, yet he has softened around the edges as far as dogmatism. Our kids are doing well. One remains a Christian, the other agnostic.

    I never thought we would have more harmony as a result of our non-likedmindedness. Yet that has been the outcome. We continue working through the process. Neither one of us tries to convert the other; but rather we respect one another.

    This past September was our 25th wedding anniversary. We can now say we are happily married.

    Wishing you all the best!!

    Cheers,
    ~carol w.

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